When Wyatt brings an unidentified photograph to the local historical society, he hopes staff historian Grayson will tell him more about the people in the picture. The subjects in the mysterious photograph sit side by side, their hands close but not touching. One is dark, the other fair. Both wear men’s suits.
Were they friends? Lovers? Business partners? Curiosity drives Grayson and Wyatt to dig deep for information, and the more they learn, the more they begin to wonder — about the photograph, and about themselves.
Grayson has lost his way. He misses the family and friends who anchored him before his transition and the confidence that drove him as a high-achieving graduate student. Wyatt lives in a similar limbo, caring for an ill mother, worrying about money, unsure how and when he might be able to express his nonbinary gender publicly. The growing attraction between Wyatt and Grayson is terrifying — and incredibly exciting.
As Grayson and Wyatt discover the power of love to provide them with safety and comfort in the present, they find new ways to write the unwritten history of their own lives and the lives of people like them. With sympathy and cutting insight, Ottoman offers a tour de force exploration of contemporary trans identity.
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Overall Rating: 9/10 stars
Matt’s Review: 4/5 Stars
Romance between research nerds is kind of my area, and after the last book by this author, I was keen to snap this one up. And I wasn’t disappointed.
We get two trans MCs here: binary trans guy Grayson, and non-binary genderqueer Wyatt. (So it’s already looking awesome.) With Grayson we get a great insight into the practicalities of being transgender; with Wyatt, we get a sensitive look at the pre-coming-out issues of being non-binary. From both, we get an exploration of how queer people sit apart from social history after centuries of being erased from it. And these are nuanced portrayals, not paint-by-numbers trans folks, so they come off so very real and fleshed-out and wonderful. Neither quite pass, but they love each other anyway. There is no reconciliation arc with the dickhead family members, instead Grayson stands his ground and says no, respect me or piss off. (I have all the love for that moment.) They didn’t know from the second they could walk and talk. And the writing is gorgeous, there’s so many little details that feed us this story—Ottoman is one of the authors in this genre who can write, not just tell a story, and I am loving every page for it.
There are some let-downs, though. The editing is one of them—there’s a lot of editing errors that pulled me out of the story and got distracting. And the strength of the book wasn’t carried all the way through. I felt like this story opened up with all these powerful threads and arcs that just fizzled out. The first fifty percent of the book is this powerful get-together surrounded by them as individuals and their lives. But later it felt like a lot of that fell away.
The two biggest ones for me were Wyatt, and his mum. We don’t get as much insight into Wyatt’s identity as I’d like. It feels very much like after they come out to Grayson, we don’t need to see any more of their feelings about the matter. Which…I wanted. I wanted to see them more, I wanted to see if they came out to a mum with dementia, when they came out to their sister, and I felt instead we veered off to look at Grayson a bit too much and left Wyatt’s identity pushed back into the background.
The other one is the arc about Wyatt’s mum. She has Alzheimer’s, and this is deeply personal to me. It was a really hard read for me (don’t get me wrong, the portrayal and especially Wyatt’s complicated emotional responses were beautifully done) and so part of me is glad it was just left hanging as this unsolvable thing. But part of me feels a little bit like that, too, got forgotten and left behind. The ending, while lovely, really wasn’t as strong as it needed to be, and I felt like the book just…ran out of steam. I could easily have done with another fifty pages to finish off the other elements.
There’s also a few moments where we run into lecturing, like when Grayson’s niece insists you can’t have two daddies. We get an internal piece about how this is a representation in fiction problem and urgh, I hate these! I know! I’m reading a queer book! I think we can assume I know this! Urgh, I hate these lectures in books so much. Not gonna lie, this is the bit where I chopped off the fifth star.
I know, I know, I’m bitching and moaning, but I still really loved this book. The writing, the storyline, the characters, they were great. And weirdly, I kind of liked that we never got the answer about the guys in the photograph. We’re left with maybe they were a queer couple, maybe they were just bros. I loved that and I felt it really fit well with the rest of the book.
Where these characters are in their self-acceptance and their fitting into the world as trans people, this felt to me very much like a book for ‘baby trans’ folks and cis allies. I did find myself skimming some parts with a bit of a “yes, yes, I know!” feeling, because I’ve been there, I’ve been through it, and now I’m (mostly) out the other side and I guess I’m seeking more stories without going into the early stage emotional detail. But that is definitely a me thing—that emotional detail was brilliantly done, and I would hugely recommend this story for anyone who is still figuring things out, or wanting insight into the emotional whammy that realisation brings.
In sum, I really enjoyed this book. It wasn’t perfect, it was definitely stronger in the beginning than the end, but by God, it was such an enjoyable read that I stand firmly by my rating anyway.
Maria’s Review: 5/5 Stars
I’m having a hard time writing down my thoughts on this book, so please excuse the rambling.
Let me start by saying that my enjoyment of this story crept up on me quietly. I’m a fan of Ottoman’s writing, and this wasn’t an exception. But I struggled with the realness a bit – simply because some of the topics, especially Wyatt’s mother, hit close to home in a way that made me take a break from time to time to catch my breath. So if you’d ask me if I enjoyed that? I’m not sure enjoying would be the right word for it. But it was good. Really good.
The realness is probably the thing that kept me glued to the pages from beginning to end. The characters just felt so real, with general life problems we all know – job hurdles, family issues, illnesses and money problems. But also the very personal struggles Wyatt and Grayson went through touched me, their very personal growth and development were beautiful to watch. And the slow building romance, the initial obstacles and stumbling blocks, the growing trust and intimacy – that’s what I read romantic stories for. Exactly that.
I do have to say though, the best part for me personally was the historical aspect of the story. The research for the photograph, the discussions about the theory behind it, the arguments about queer history. I wish my fellow historians would all read it, especially the ones who aren’t queer or marginalized. There was so much truth in it, so much love for the details and the process of researching, gathering info, interpretation and “proof”. The dynamics of power and visible history. It brought back some of my best memories, and some of the most frustrating. I loved that plot line to pieces for it.
All in all, I enjoyed this a lot, but in a very quiet and… surprising way. Definitely recommended for everyone, but especially historians.
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